Well, crap. Turns out I am 20% fat*. So what's the problem? you are probably asking. You're still in the healthy range, much better than the majority of Americans these days. Even the machine that tested me suggested I should really gain some more weight. I'll tell you what the problem is: Back in community college I was at 4% body fat. Four. And the next summer I got a job at Sam's Club, basically lifting heavy stuff (because the female cashiers always begged me to for them) and I had the body of a greek god, I daresay. My cholesterol was 136. I could kill a bear by breaking it over my knee, like so *pose* Now... I feel fat.
But there's more gnashing of teeth to be had.
As a 25 year old, its safe to say that I have passed any chance to marry within my own faith. Them's the cold hard facts. But I really mostly gave up on Mormon girls around the time of the whole mission debacle. My biological clock is ticking. I gots to have some babys, and there isn't a single sports illustrated swimsuit model/rocket scientist around. What's a boy past his prime to do?
Not much but keep going to the gym.
*:making me the only American to ever gain weight while living in Japan.
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that non-Mormon girls are just as wonderful as their Mormon counterparts. Not that I should be one to talk really... my "track record" isn't so great. Oh well. Good luck!
ReplyDeletelaughter
ReplyDeleteoh poor deluded Jake. There are no sane women, Mormon or otherwise. Why else do you think I would be so crazy?
I vouch for that. As a guy who is 'engaged to be engaged' with worldly experience, all women are insane. Attempting to comprehend them will drive you insane.
ReplyDeleteIt's a matter of finding the one who will drain the life out of you the slowest while at the same time giving you something new and good to replace it with.
Hmm... maybe you should move to Iowa. The women I know here are wonderful. Not that I am with any of them, but that is another story.
ReplyDeletewe are all insane. we are i agree totally.
ReplyDeletethe right girl would likely be willing to convert anyway if it means that much to you :)
and some asshole called me fat, i left the comment on my blog (this person BURIED the comment obviously wanting to hurt me) actually he called me LOTS of things...but FAT - loser im 116 pounds, 5'5 and almost 29.
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ReplyDeleteKit, I don't know why you're being so heavy handed lately, but it is rather obvious that the insanity claim is a joke (perhaps poor) about my inability to predict female perceptions. Go look for another "pale penis person" that is oppressing womankind, cause it ain't me babe.
ReplyDeleteWhat I meant to say was that it's easy for men to generalize what they don't understand about women as insanity, and sometimes unfair.
ReplyDeleteRather, it is often more constructive to note similarities. If this is not possible, it is best to confine such negative statements to individuals, out of regard for the feelings of women who are not insane, and have no desire to labeled as such.